"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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