Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
