i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
