Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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