Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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