Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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