Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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