theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
