We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
