Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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