I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
