Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
