I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
