I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
