so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
farters have to be the big spoon...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Randomize
