I have demons in me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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