I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
