Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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