i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
