You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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