And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
