Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
