it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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