what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
