If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
