Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Someone shit on the floor
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
