I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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