theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
