Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
