Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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