My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
