Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
