dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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