i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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