she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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