When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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