Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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