On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
