i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
