I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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