is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
