Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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