he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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