i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
