haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I can't turn off my feet"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
