If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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