clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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