Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
