garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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