he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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