we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
