i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
